A male friend of mine at work made a comment one day about the fact that abortion really screws women up. He said, “All of the women I know who’ve had abortions are totally messed up emotionally, and although I’m pro-choice, I don’t think anyone should get an abortion. They just end up feeling guilty and depressed.” Little did he know that I had had an abortion about 20 years earlier when I was a Junior in college, but there was no way I was going to tell him that. Only 4 people knew about my abortion: Myself, my sister, my husband, and my college roommate (and still one of my closest friends). My parents don’t know because I was ashamed to tell them, or anyone else.

I replied to my coworker, “There are probably a lot of women you know who’ve had an abortion, but you just don’t know about it, and I bet they aren’t screwed up. Why would you know whether they had one or not? Most women don’t tell anyone they’ve had an abortion.” He seemed genuinely surprised, and admitted that may be possible. I hope I gave him something to think about. I suspect the majority of people probably think the same thing he does. Abortion may be much more common than we realize, and the experience for most women may even be positive. So, I want to tell my story, with the hope that my story is more common than what anti-abortion activists, and even “against abortion but pro-choice” people realize.

I remember the day I had an abortion vividly, but probably not for the reasons that you think. It wasn’t scary, or traumatic, or upsetting. In fact, I remember it as one of the most positive days of my life. I know that sounds strange, but I was with someone I loved who supported me - my boyfriend and future husband of 25 years - and I was feeling extreme relief that I did not have to go through with an unwanted pregnancy. There was nothing scary or upsetting about the experience. The staff at the Spokane clinic treated both of us with kindness and respect, everything was explained to me in detail, and the staff and atmosphere of the clinic put me at ease. The only bad part of the day was having to walk through a line of protestors as I entered the clinic, but once inside they were quickly out of my mind as I was greeted by the friendly receptionist.

It was a two-part appointment. First, was a dilation procedure, and once done the staff emphasized that there was no going back. They gave me an opportunity to decline, but without pressuring me either way. I was given something to ease anxiety, and when the procedure was over we were free to leave and return a couple of hours later for the abortion. They told me that the dilation procedure could cause me to become light headed and faint - a side effect of having your diaphram messed with. And although I sat a few minutes, it was not long enough. I walked out and was chatting with the receptionist about our plans to go have breakfast, and I remember suddenly feeling like I was under water, and then the next thing I knew my husband and a nurse were standing over me. I had fainted, just as they had warned. I recovered quickly, no harm done, and my husband and I were off for our breakfast.

We chatted happily, discussed our summer plans and our plan to move in together the following semester. It would be his last semester at school, and then I would finish the following spring. We were excited about the future….a future where I didn’t have to go through with an unwanted pregnancy. No talk about keeping it, or getting married before we were ready, or of a pregnancy that ended in adoption and all the additional stress that would entail. No talk about whether or not I could still finish my degree and still go on to try for a masters. No talk about how we would tell our parents about our life changing screw-up, despite the fact that I had been taking birth control and neither of us was a teenager. No talk about whether we could support a family. We didn’t have to have any of those difficult conversations. And I was immensely relieved.

I’ve known since I was a little girl that I wanted to have kids, but when I found out I was pregnant as a 20-year-old college junior I knew it was not the right time for a baby. I am grateful for the life I have now, with my husband and two beautiful sons ages 17 and 20. I had the right to choose my future 28 years ago and I am scared and sad for the young women who do not have that choice now.