I put myself first
“Despite what others may feel about my decision, it was all mine.”
At 15 years old, I made a choice to have sex for the first time and I was a “late bloomer” according to my friends. Despite what others may feel about my decision, it was all mine. I made up my own mind to share my body with another person.
Throughout my young adult life, I continued to be intimate with others. Memories are filled with feelings of belonging, pleasure, wonderment, and a couple of regrets (but lessons learned). There are also memories of excitement, body paints, and ocean beaches. It was my choice, my decision. Sometimes I said no, sometimes I said yes.
It was my choice to drop out of college and travel. It was my choice to move far, far away and come back again. It was my choice to work, hike, raft, and play before deciding to continue with my education. It was my choice to throw a large celebration in our front yard after walking across that academic stage and it was my choice to accept that job in an uncharted part of the country, pack my truck up and move once again.
It was my choice to explore my new surroundings, to say no to that one guy in Trout Lake, WA, and yes to that cutie in McCall, ID. It was my choice to end an unwanted pregnancy created on the banks of the Snake River. It was my choice. It was his choice to support my choice, to stay by my side through it all. It was his choice to ask me to marry him 3 months later, on the top of a mountain near my parent’s land in West Texas. It was my choice to say yes.
It was my choice to better myself with another college degree and it was our choice to move towards opportunities as we saw fit. It was our choice to build a family three years later when I got pregnant again and the timing was right, Together we make choices, some heavily influenced by me and others by him, but the idea of having a choice has always been there.
I had an abortion at 26 years old, here in the state of Idaho. Today I am a 43-year-old mother, wife, and contributor to my community. I still believe in the right to choose for yourself what avenues best suit your life. I chose to put myself first 17 years ago.
Today others have taken my choice believing they know what is best for me, my partner, and our family.
The privilege of having a choice has always been there, and now it is gone.
