L.A.’s Story
“I would say it was almost a spiritual experience because I was honoring myself. This is the kind of abortion experience I want for other women.”
My personal history of sexual abuse starts in 1963. Between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I came to Los Angeles, California to take a job for the summer. While away from my family in Idaho, I decided to rent a room from a friend of my dad’s. One day I came home from work early feeling ill and went to bed. A short time later, the man of the house and my dad's friend came home and finding me in bed, decided to join me. He was not invited and somehow I averted a rape by reminding this man, my dad's age and presumably a friend of my dad's, that I was a year younger than his daughter AND how would he like it if my dad forced himself upon my assailant's daughter? When I later told my dad what had happened, my dad said, "Men will be men -- our species depends on it. If you don't want men to breed with you, you have to be careful you don't invite them" inferring this was my fault.
A few years later as I contemplated graduate school as a single mom of two boys, I received a prestigious fellowship based upon my desire to study the Starlings that ruined the cattle feed on our dairy farm. I would be working with a professor known for his work on Starling reproduction. A year and a half into my doctoral work, my major professor came to my apartment and attacked me. Although I fought him like a wild she cat, he pushed me into my bedroom and began tearing at my clothes. Once again, I talked my way out of a rape. However, I knew I could never be alone with him again. So, I pleaded my case to the university about changing the area of my research. That meant losing a year and a half of my research and starting over. It also meant I had used up a year and a half of my fellowship. Without child or family support, I would have only three and a half years of fellowship support remaining. But I switched my field of study and started over anyway.
After I finished my PhD, I remarried only to find my new husband was having an affair with one of his clients. About the same time, I realized I was pregnant. Having pretty much raised two boys by myself, I decided I needed to carefully consider if a third child was good for me. I HAD AN OPTION. Abortion was legal and I chose to keep the pregnancy. My husband decided to return to our marriage. A year after my third son was born my husband confessed he just could not leave the "love of his life" so he was leaving me for good. A few weeks later, I realized once again I was pregnant, even though I had an IUD. I sought the same abortion clinic here in Los Angeles. There I had a companion/counselor who guided me through the process and the recovery including the after-the-fact follow up. I had little guilt because I knew I had done what was best for my psychological and physiological health. In fact I would say it was almost a spiritual experience because I was honoring myself. This is the kind of abortion experience I want for other women -- NO GUILT!! NO SELF RECRIMINATION!!
Later in my career as a science and health educator in South Central Los Angeles, I realized how many of my female students (middle school age) were being sexually abused at home. When I stepped in to talk with them and help them, I was put on administrative leave by the school district and was shortly forced out of my job. The assistant superintendent even told me, "you know, just between you and me, most of these girls are just flirts and they want IT". Having grown up on a dairy farm where we used bulls, I can tell you cows don't want IT until they are good and ready. Yet so many girl humans are forced to have IT.
Now in Idaho and many other states, females of the species have no alternatives but to have a child that comes from an unwanted pregnancy. This is so messed up. In other words, cows have more control of their reproductive processes than women have!! Think about that. MANY FEMALE ANIMALS HAVE MORE CONTROL OF THEIR REPRODUCTIVE PROCESSES THAN WOMEN HAVE!!
Now I live some months of the year in Los Angeles, the rest of the time in Sandpoint, Idaho. I have three grown sons. I am angry that girls and women have so little say about their own bodies and their own futures. Their lack of choice usually compromises the choices their children have. Too many children being abused, being hungry, forming gangs, hurting other people. Let's all be real and admit the many kinds of harm that people and society face as a result of limited options for self-care including the right to an abortion.
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