R’s Story

“When I did start telling people, they were open and honest about their own experiences. I realized how common it is. Not just abortions and miscarriages, but all sorts of reproductive challenges.”

In 2016, I got pregnant with a boy I was dating. I was working seasonally in Jackson Hole. I was 20 years old, entering my junior year in college and I was financially very tight. I couldn't afford birth control. In retrospect, I wish I had applied for Medicaid. I just didn't know about services that I could apply for. I fell in love and accidentally got pregnant.

The first time I shared this story with someone, it didn't feel like a big thing. Some people's abortion stories are very traumatic, but I just felt, “This is an unwanted pregnancy, and I'm not ready at all.” I didn't have any questions about it. I didn't have financial stability. I was going to college and my family situation wasn't good. Not only did I not want to go through a pregnancy physically, but I did not think I would be a good parent at that time in my life.

My partner was very supportive. I made an appointment with a Planned Parenthood clinic in my home state. I drained my bank account. It cost $500. But I was really alone in the process. I drove myself to the clinic. There were a lot of protesters outside with signs of obscene, vulgar images. They were yelling at me that I was a murderer. I just put my head down and went inside. Everyone at the clinic was very kind. I had to watch an antiquated video due to the state's laws and clinic liability. They called the fertilized egg a baby and showed lots of pictures of babies and their parents. It felt very inappropriate and was not helpful.

I took the abortion pill. I didn't have complications, except it messed with my menstrual cycle for a couple of months. I did, however, feel very alone. My boyfriend was the only one who knew about the abortion for over a year. I felt very ashamed to share it with anybody. I thought I messed up and I had a lot of shame. I didn't feel bad about going through with the abortion, but I felt bad about people's perceptions of me because I chose to do that and because I made a mistake. When I did start telling people, they were open and honest about their own experiences. I realized how common it is. Not just abortions and miscarriages, but all sorts of reproductive challenges. Problems getting pregnant, problems getting pregnant while on birth control, and so on.

Once I started sharing, I had a lot of support, more than I had expected. My friends felt sad that I hadn't told them sooner. I started realizing that it is important to share because it helps others to share their experiences. I discovered that many of my friends had abortions and pregnancy scares. Ideally, I don't want to go through an abortion again. But I'm very grateful that I had the option. I hate that abortion is being restricted. No one is ever going to stop me from keeping that option open.

Every child should be wanted. People who are pregnant should not have to be dying to obtain an abortion. I think maternity care providers are leaving this area to avoid a choice between going to jail and malpractice.